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Incubation Blues — Day 7 of the Shutdown
It is like a scream in my throat that I cannot let out. WHEN WILL THIS END?
Each day, I see it getting worse and worse. More people are dying.
It is clear that it is not going to end any time soon.This morning, I realized that this whole COVID-19 experience feels similar to what I went through during the wait for Walter’s liver transplant. Each day, I watched him getting worse and worse. Each day, the medical establishment were unable to provide answers or timelines.
But this time, it is a societal version shared by everyone. We are stuck in not-knowing together.
My scream remains unscreamed, because there is no relief in screaming it.
Living with uncertainty is difficult for us humans.
When waiting for the liver to become available, I told Walter that instead of worrying about when it would happen, we’d just start to refer to it as if it were to come tomorrow.
Like we’d be released soon.
Soon that approach left us fatigued and empty.
Then we surrendered. We started appreciating the moments we still had together without thinking about tomorrow.
That gave us a fleeting sense of peace.